A Lack of Color
by Mel like Mellow
Summary: Veronica-centric. IMMEDIATELY following the death of Lilly Kane.
1. She's Gone

Veronica held her breath as they turned down Riverchase. The passage in her throat constricted and released. Constrict, release. Constrict, release.

She tried to focus on the trees whipping by outside the window, tried to tell them apart and define them, rather than think of all the blood that still stained her mind.

A sob escaped again.

Keith's eyes were on her, worried. She could feel them, narrowing in on her tear-stained cheeks, the quiver of her lower lip. But if she looked up, if she succumbed to anything real, it was all over. And that would be bad.

_Worse than…_ Her breath was coming in rapid, short pants.

She wasn't at all too sure how long it took them to get home – only that the next thing she found herself staring at was a blurry frame of her house, the lights dulled and dim, the paint faded and bleeding into one another.

_Oh, god, so much blood…_

There was a glance to her fingertips, as though she expected to find it there, gushing, pouring, cascading – staining her pep-squad uniform.

"Veronica … honey. We're home."

Her gaze yanked away and up, finding her father squatting in front of her open car door. She could see his tears, barely leaking, expression weary. With a choked noise, she flung herself at him, feeling her chest crack under the pressure building. His arms enfolded her, holding her close. Soothing rubs on her back and calming 'shhh's whispered against her hair.

It only made the tears feel hotter. Veronica tried to scream into his shoulder.

Keith lifted her, a foot kicking to close the car door, before he turned to take her inside.

"She's gone, she's _gone_…" She found herself sobbing into her mother's chest, foreign fingers lacing randomly through her hair. She could hear her dad's softened mutterings to Lianne, felt her mother's breath catch, and so caught her own.

All Veronica could think was that this was what the end of the world must've been like.


	2. Lilly Was The Puzzle

Hours later, Veronica was lying face-down in her bed. An eye cracked open, and she peered out the window. Dawn was breaking – but birds weren't singing.

She rationalized it. They were mourning, too.

It would make sense. By way of the news, all of Neptune should be dead inside about now. They'd be waking up, turning on the television to channel K16 news, and there Lilly's yearbook picture would be.

Beloved daughter, sister.

_Friend._

As she spooned at her cheerios, Veronica wondered briefly of their reactions. Familiar faces scorched her brain.

Logan. Numb. Staring blankly at the wide screen, surround sound making sure he knew. Fisting pillows and sheets in his hands. Looking for a face to blame.

Duncan. _Oh, Duncan_. Mutely he sits, facing a wall. Shaking. Trembling. Terrified and silent. He saw it, too. He might've had a face already.

A dozen other people left nothing but nameless aquaintances.

They say the mind will erase parts of the memory to make room for the more important pieces.

Lilly was the puzzle.

Veronica tore apart her room searching for every polaroid, every letter signed in the same cursive dotted with flowers, the BFF bracelet she'd carelessly removed days before and simply tossed aside. She could hear mom and dad beckoning from the living room, calling out caresses.

She didn't respond. Couldn't. There were too many memories she had to find - save before they escaped and turned to ash. She couldn't let that happen. She wouldn't. Lilly would be so mad if she let her go like that.

Veronica could see her face so clearly, insulted and with a toss of her hair, _Veronica Mars, how _**dare**_ you forget _**me**

The phone rang about three o'clock. Keith came in with the portable and stared down at his daughter. Veronica was trapped on all sides, surrounded by pitiful piles of momentos.

"…It's Logan."

Not the name she presumed. There was hesitation, before a hand stretched out to accept the phone.


	3. No Problem, Mars

"…Hi?"

"Hey." There was that catch in his voice. Like he made sure to finish crying beforehand.

Veronica hadn't bothered. _Silly man_. "Hi."

"What're you doing?"

"Looking at pictures," she admitted, one in her hand, stained by cola. Lilly was kissing Veronica on the cheek. It was **her** 12th birthday.

"Did that last night."

"Oh."

"What're you doing later?"

"Well, I planned on crying." It was supposed to be funny.

_More like pathetic, _Lilly taunted.

Logan snickered softly. At least someone was amused. "Pretty sure that's on all of our agendas."

"Have you talked to Duncan?" The words were out of her mouth before she could reconsider.

Inside, her heartbroke a little more. Technicolor memories flooded her senses, and she dropped the photo on to the heap in front of her. She had sorted them by year.

He was silent on the other end for a while, which startled her. Veronica checked to see if the call was still active, before Logan muttered, "He's not talking."

"What?"

"His parents said he was in … I don't know. Some kind ofcatatonia … thing."

Veronica felt her heart stop at half a beat. "Is he going to be okay?" _Duncan, Duncan, Duncan…_

"Probably. Guess it just … hit him harder," Logan mumbled. "Lucky. He gets to miss all the fun."

She felt her chest relax. It made sense. If he was there … "Do… you know anything?"

"What anything?"

"I-I don't know." And honestly, Veronica didn't. She had no clue what was coming out of her mouth, just knew it felt better to be saying something than nothing - and getting something from _someone_ in return. Another voice that wasn't hers and wasn't the makeshift-Lilly that devoted itself to her mind since seven-fifteen AM. "Just… anything?"

Maybe he understood. Or maybe he was just being an ass. "I know my ABC's. And, oh," he mock-gasped, "how to tie a shoe."

"Congratulations. Well done."

"I know." And he did, didn't he?

Veronica fell silent, and so did Logan on the other end. She shuffled her piles, never picking up anything. Just touching.

Something had to be done about this. "Why did you call me, anyway?" She meant to sound nonchalant. It didn't come out that way.

"Thought I'd make sure the rest of the world was still here, I guess."

And here she hadn't even thought about that. "Well, we're all fine here."

"Are you?"

It felt like a scab being picked at.

"Veronica?"

_Answer him, dummy!_ Why was she still here? Why here? 

"…Yeah. We're good."

"Come by later?"

_And he's moving on already, _Lilly scoffed. _I tell ya, so _**not**_ regretting dropping him, V._

_Do you?_

"I—there's … a possibility." Was that even an answer?

"Right," he sounded bored – or fed up. Or both. "Well, if you decide to come by—"

"I'll call," she finished for him.

Logan snorted. "Actually, I was going to say 'bring some Jack', but as if I should expect that from you."

Her eyes rolled, and a smirk crept up, however fleetingly. "You're so witty, Logan. However can I compare?"

"You just can't, Mars."

_I've got mad skills! _

I know, Lilly.

"I should go." Silence. "Call Duncan for me?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks, Logan." She had no idea that by this time next week, he'd hate her with every ounce of passion in him. Every bit that had been devoted to Lilly would belong to Veronica and her demise.

For now, she could feel him smile on the other end. "No problem, Mars."

_Click!_


End file.
